Subjective Rage...

So this morning, after writing for a long time in my journal, I was in a great mood and all prepared to come here and write out a chipper little piece I had composed about handwriting and writing by hand.

Well, let's just say that got derailed in a major way.

On the way to work I was the target of subjective rage. I call it subjective rage because it is rage that exists in the mind of, and belongs entirely to, the subject (the rager in the black sedan in the lane next to me) based on some perceived wrong that I (obliviously) have committed against them due to an act or intention that also exists only in their mind.

Here's how it went down...

I was driving down the freeway during morning rush. I am in the slow lane, hands on the steering wheel at 10 and 2, driving the speed limit, I didn't even have the radio on. I am a model of the conscientious driver, minding my own business, trying to get safely to work.

There is a car to the left of me in the passing lane. Both of us come to a convergence where another road meets the one me and left lane guy are on, with about 500 feet of merge lane. A black sedan comes racing up the merge lane and instead of slowing a bit so that they can merge in smoothly behind the two oncoming cars (me and left lane driver), they speed up, keeping pace with us. I can't move over because left laner is staying right by my side. I slow a little, thinking black sedan will speed up and get in the lane.

Suddenly, black sedan swerves violently towards me. I avoid them, nearly hitting lefy, who also swerves, coming perilously close to the barrier wall. This could have been disastrous. I think "what the hell!?" assuming black sedan had dropped their cell phone, or spilled their coffee...

I look over, and there is a little blonde woman (who I am sure is a nice, reasonable person when you meet her at the day spa, or Starbucks, or wherever else people who drive black sedans go) gesturing wildly, her gaping mouth shaping unheard expletives that, judging by her flushed face and strained expression are being screamed at the top of her lungs. I am shocked. I come to the sudden realization that this otherwise rational, law abiding citizen, this productive member of society, has just tried to ram me with their car to force me out of "their" lane. This woman was willing to risk killing two people to gain two seconds in the race to work.

Of course I responded in the usual and accepted mode, I yelled back, flipped the bird (secretly hoping this would not turn out to be one of the 600 people I am responsible for training where I work), and had thoughts of following this fucking bitch wherever she was going and punching her in the face. Now I am also filled with rage, as is lefty, who is now doing his own private little rage dance in his own automobile.

Suffice it to say, this was almost a very bad day.

After I got to work and calmed down I went through the usual "Oh my god what if I would have had my kids in the car, or what if I had been an elderly person whose reflexes were not as quick?" I considered how lucky I was, because it had been very close, and I got over (to some degree) the bad feeling that you get when someone intentionally does something that could potentially do you serious harm, for no apparent reason... I started thinking about why we get so angry when we drive.

I am just as guilty as the next guy of yelling at traffic and getting, let's face it, unreasonably frustrated and angry at all the other people doing the same thing as me, just trying to get where they are going.

But why? Why do we take it so personally, and get angry about it. And it IS totally subjective anger - My mind is filled with rage at that guy who just cut me off, as if he did it to purposefully spite me... that's how it plays out in my head. That asshole, he just cut me off, I'll show him! And if you are honest, you will admit that you do the same thing too. Even if you don't yell, you have gotten angry at the other driver, you feel wronged and offended, it's personal. You want to defend your territory, sometimes you even want revenge, and that's when things get dangerous.

I am sure this woman goes about her daily life much the same as me, in every other respect she is most likely a very nice person. She probably has responsibilities, and people who rely on her. She has people who love her and care about her. She has things she likes to do, that she looks forward to. She has dreams and aspirations. All that nearly came to an end today on Hwy 6 West because she had to beat me, she couldn't drop her speed just a touch and merge into the lane. She had to go ahead of me, get in front. She was impatient, she had to teach me a lesson about being in the space she wanted to be in. She had to threaten to hit me with her car because she was angry, and because she was angry she was willing to risk her life, and mine and lefty's as well. It makes no sense.

According to AAA aggressive driving like this accounts for half of all traffic fatalities (you can take their aggressive driving quiz here)

Research done on road rage shows that we feel strongly territorial toward our car and our driving space. When we drive down the road and see the lane or spot we need to be in, suddenly in our mind it becomes ours and we are willing to fight to get it. 90% of people surveyed by AAA state they have experienced road rage, either as the rager or the ragee.

Here is what Professor Leon James a researcher at University of Hawaii has to say on the subject:

"It's the same around the world. We all have anger and if we do not manage our emotions in the car then we can be subject to extreme road rage. People can switch from a rational human being to a lower mode - a state I sometimes refer to as reptilian thinking. If we perceive that we have been attacked by another driver then we flick into that mode and that's the beginning of a duel."

So basically, we get territorial, someone threatens our territory, we revert to lizard brain and want to bash their skulls in.

It's funny how something as technologically advanced as a black sedan can cause us to revert to our most primitive state.

It's hard to know what to do about it, because apparently we are fighting psychology here... And it is particularly terrifying because my 18 year old daughter is in the process of getting her license.

I hope and pray that when my daughter is out there driving on her own that black sedan doesn't come along and run her off the road, or over the median, or into an oncoming car because she is in a spot that black sedan thinks she owns.

It is estimated 40,000 people die every year in car accidents in the US, 20,000 of those are due to aggressive driving and road rage. That seems like a big number to be. That seems like a problem. Why isn't anyone talking about this?

Happy driving.

The Gift...

18 years ago I was given a gift. I didn't know what a gift it would be at the time, like all new parents I was frightened and unsure. My biggest fear was that I was going to mess up, I was going to ruin this amazing little creature... I was going to do everything wrong.

The crazy thing is, she did more of the doing than I did.

You see, my daughter is a teacher.

My daughter has taught me so much in the past 18 years.


She taught me the usual things, like, I could love someone more than I ever imagined possible. That there is something that matters far more than myself... But mostly, she taught me how to not do things. How to unlearn. How to take the risky move of understanding that what you believed to be previously true may not be, and you need to move in a different direction. That my life experience didn't have to rule my future. That I was strong.

My daughter taught me how people who love you treat you... and how people who do not love you treat you.

My daughter taught me that I could accomplish more than I ever knew possible.

My daughter taught me that every day should, and will, have laughter. That it is incredibly important to be silly, and that it's totally okay to be a complete nerd.

My daughter taught me that it is more important to do what you love to do and to be who you really are, instead of who they said you should be.

My daughter taught me Spongebob songs, and strange Japanese pop-culture references. She taught me how to do the eyebrow dance, and how to wiggle your tongue and snap your fingers at the same time. I taught her some stuff too, along the way.

My daughter is 18 now, and while I know there will always be times when she will need a mom, I am looking forward to becoming her friend, because she is such an amazing human being, and I am proud to know her. I want to watch her go into the world and make it hers. I want to keep learning from her.

I tried to give her everything I never had. Not material things... The important things, the things you can't see at first glance. I hope I did well. I did my best, just like she taught me.

I love you Charlotte. Happy Birthday. Mom.

You're not like Jesus... Neither am I

So I had a typical "extremely rude Christian comment" experience yesterday on FaceySpacey. The only thing is, I can't seem to get this one out of my head. It hung around, niggling at my mind, and made me think long and hard about a lot of things. Mostly it made me think about why people are the way they are.


I guess religious zealots, hypocrites, and all around crazy people have been around since the dawn of time, or at least since we decided there was something out there bigger than ourselves and knowing this gave us the right to be righteously indignant at our neighbor's erroneous worship of said bigger thing... And just as long as the zealots have been around, so have the finger pointers... the ones who take pleasure in calling out those they perceive to be hypocrites. The judgers who judge the judgmental.

I guess before I go on about what this whole interaction made me think about, I should share what it was about - (names and avatars have been changed to protect the innocent).

The context? The Poster, who is also a rockstar, reposted an image of a compound belonging to an extremely wealthy televangelist, along with a quote from Matthew 19:24 about how it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven.

Given the exposure of so many televangelists as frauds who rip off their well meaning but gullible followers, and the fact that the example of Christ himself was giving away what you had to those who need it more as opposed to amassing wealth, this seemed reasonable. Let the free for all begin.

First I tossed in my favorite Romans 2:24, as well as a Diderot quote for good measure as seen below - and it just sort of escalated from there.

Initially I was irritated by Rude Christians's "idiots" comment, and feeling very self satisfied with my response. I felt justified because I thought "this person is not acting like a Christian."

Then I went on to think how typical that was, and it made me feel kind of smug and proven right in a way. At the time it didn't occur to me that it was kind of a ridiculous thing to think, really. But, for some reason I just couldn't get this out of my mind.

My thoughts traveled from "Why can't Rude Christian act the way I "know" they are supposed to," to "why does that bother me?" It then progressed to "who am I to decide what a christian should act like, aren't both of us basing our assumptions of that behavior on a questionable text written a couple thousand years ago?" Rude Christian wasn't acting in a way I thought was "good," but then... was I?

I guess my initial irritation at the name calling and whatnot stemmed from my perception of how a Christian is supposed to behave, especially when it happened in the context of Poster, who is also a rockstar, and myself pointing out how the televangelist was not acting the way we thought a christian was supposed to behave.

After thinking on it for a time though, it grew more into the frustration that we can't seem to coexist in our beliefs without pushing our perceptions and assumptions onto each other in a negative way. I am going to use quotes from your revered text to make you look stupid, you are going to feel offended and angry and call me names, I am going feel a sense of satisfaction that I have provoked you to anger, and incite you further with more "facts" when the real fact is, I am intentionally trying to make you look even more stupid and offend you further.

Why?

And while both of us are yelling "that's not what Jesus would do, etc." (me ridiculously so, seeing as I am not a Christian at all so why should I care...), The fact is, we are both wrong.

Jesus was not about proving anyone wrong. He was about kindness. His whole thing was haters are going to hate, and the only thing you can do is love them in return. Kill them with kindness. Win them over with love. Treat them to tolerance so that they can see the love of god. Forgive them, feed them, heal them. Be a human being. Turn the other cheek. Be kind and loving to one another. See that guy over there with no shoes? Give him yours, because you have 10 more pairs at home. See that woman over there with no lunch? Give her yours, it won't kill you to miss a meal. See that person posting angry diatribes against religion? Just be cool. Be kind. Be the opposite of what they have come to hate. Win them over with love and respect and generosity. Turn the other cheek. And in doing so, they just might come over to your way of thinking. They just might too live a life of kindness and generosity - which if we all did - would be great for society. There would be peace, and kindness, we would give each other the same care and consideration that we give to ourselves. We would see the divine in each individual, and we would cherish that. We would be saved... from ourselves. That was Jesus.

Now I know there are Christians out there who would read this and say "but Corvid..." yes, yes, I know... You want your hard core righteous preachy "you're going to hell if you don't get saved" point of view represented... but the problem with that? That's not Jesus. That's Paul. Paul was a douche and a misogynist who, in my opinion, hijacked what Jesus was trying to do and turned it into zealotry and intolerance and hate. Zealots hate. I know, I was a zealot like that once.

My opinion is most likely not worth very much, but I don't think if Jesus were born and lived his life here today he would be picketing abortion clinics and screaming about gay marriage, and calling people idiots on facebook. I think he would be preaching against inequality, helping the poor, caring for the homeless, showing love to those who so desperately need it and do without it every day... He would be calling out those who marginalized the less fortunate, he would be traveling from town to town healing the sick, and spreading love. He would be saying "don't throw the stone unless you have never sinned yourself." Kinda like he did 2000 years ago. He would be showing people god's love through his actions.

The opposite side of the coin is this - I think that for those of us who do not claim christianity as a religion, and often times take pleasure in smacking down those who do who are not behaving the way we think they should... if we are smart enough, and knowledgeable enough about the bible and christian doctrine to call out others, there are two things we should keep in mind. One, if we can recognize people who are being hypocritical, then we should acknowledge they aren't the real deal, recognize that there are many who are, and don't judge the entire bushel because of some bad apples. And two - instead of pointing out the behavior we don't like and deem hypocritical in others, we should try to be the best human beings we can be ourselves. Maybe we should teach the faux christians how to behave through our own example... with kindness, love, charity, etc.

I don't know, this is just my attempt to make sense of this rambling thought trail, this chain reaction set off by a passing interaction on facebook with someone I don't even know. It is my attempt to make sense of myself.

It is easy to get caught up in the derision game, but in the end, it is unkind. There is already so much division, and so much of it is drawn along lines of belief. Belief is something that is supposed to enrich our lives and make us better people. Kinder people.

I am by no means an atheist, I have my beliefs. Maybe I should try to do better by them myself before I go out casting stones. 

Car Hacking...

I heard an interesting story on Science Friday on NPR yesterday and it peaked my interest and imagination. Ira interviewed Charlie Miller and Chris Valasek, two security experts who figured out how to hack into a car and control the horn, steering wheel,speedometer, and brakes through the on-board computer systems. They could do a remote attack by accessing bluetooth or wireless signals that the devices in the car use to communicate (like if you have tires that transmit pressure information using a wireless signal). I thought this was really interesting, so here is the podcast. The interesting thing about all of this is that if someone were to exploit one of these security vectors, there would be no way at all to prove that it had happened. By doing just this, Chris and Charlie hope car makers will move towards some sort of security for their onboard systems because there is no way at this time to protect your car. To me, this has the makings of a great story. A lot of comments were fears of people running out and hacking people on the road, with the result of hundreds of cars suddenly veering off the freeway. So far no one has ever been hacked outside of this experiment. Interesting stuff.

That was so real...