 |
Parts of this post are reproduced from another blog that I used to
write but have since abandoned |
I have issues with my left supramarginal gyrus (edit: or my right intraparietal sulcus, depending on which study you believe). When I was young I had two things happen that could have damaged it. One, an
extremely high fever that almost killed me, and two, a serious blow to the back of my head. Whatever it was, it damaged my brain. At least
that is what the people at the place I got tested told me.
As a
result I have what is known as a "severe and profound" learning disability.
It's called Dyscalculia. Some people want to simplify it and call it "Math
Dyslexia," but it is more than that.
I have failed almost every math class I have ever taken. I have had difficulty with most sciences like chemistry and physics. I failed a lot of classes in school. PE was a nightmare, and forget any technical classes like shop.
English, reading, writing, theatre, comprehension, however, were a different story. I excelled in them, scored off the charts. I had an IQ test and scored very high. I was identified as gifted and talented, and put into gifted programs.
Because of this, all my life people have told me I
am lazy and I just don't try hard enough. They compare what I go through to how
much they hate spelling or algebra because its hard. This is more than hard.
This is more than just your dislike of doing something difficult.
This is more than just a problem with numbers. I had bad coordination, I had a hard time riding a bike, I couldn't tell left from right (and still have to take pause and think about it when caught off guard), I had trouble making friends, I couldn't make change and was afraid to use money. I was often mocked and made fun of my math teachers who thought I was just screwing around. When called on in certain classes it took me a lot longer to reason my way to answers than a lot of the other kids. I was punished by my parents because I couldn't learn (and still don't know to this day) my times tables.
My real mother bought a deck of flash cards. She would show the cards and then yell at me for the ones I got wrong. She finally became so frustrated that she would hit me with a belt for every card I failed to get right. I got hit a lot.
My dad just couldn't understand why I couldn't get it. He told me I needed to apply myself more. He compared my inability to do math to his struggles in his calculus and trigonometry classes in college getting an aeronautics degree...
My stepmother really tried to help me. She would sit up with me all night sometimes, trying to do homework. Showing me the same problems over and over and over again. By the end of every session I might barely grasp the concept. The next night it was like I had never seen the problems before. She was patient, and I think I would have flunked out of school a lot earlier if it wasn't for her, but no one had ever heard of Dyscalculia at the time, so she just couldn't understand why the math wouldn't stick with me.
It got to the point where I would become physically ill and throw up when I was confronted with having to do math. I would ditch classes because they terrified me. I thought everyone was laughing at me. Everyone thought I was stupid, and so did I.
I
didn't find out what the problem was until I was an adult and I got tested. This
is AFTER dropping out of high school in the 10th grade, flunking out of my first
year of college, flunking every math class, and failing my foreign language classes because once we got to the grammar portion I would lose it... it affects grammar processing too. As well as doing poorly in my minimum wage jobs, mainly working in situations where I had to handle money and was unable to tally things up correctly.
I love music but I never learned to read a note. I can't play an instrument, and I have tried, but Musical notes are math, and the theory escapes me. I have a good ear though... so good, in fact, that I managed to fool dozens of musical theatre directors into thinking I actually could read the score, when in fact I was just learning it by ear.
I learned all kinds of ways to get around my disability.
No one has ever heard of my problem, so I don't talk about it very much. When I do, I get looks like I am making it up, or just trying to find something wrong with myself. It is still hard to not give in to the idea that I just need to try harder. I love learning, I always have. I wasn't lazy, I was scared and confused. The thought that I am just not applying myself baffles me. I achieved a Master's Degree... with high honors. How the fuck harder am I supposed to apply myself?
With that being said...
Today is National Dyscalculia Day, and I feel I have an obligation to try to raise a bit of awareness. so I am posting this..
What is Dyscaluculia? Well...
From
The Dyscalculia Forum:
What Is Dyscalculia?
The Basic Facts
Dyscalculia
is a specific learning disability in mathematics. Dyscalculia is a word you use
to describe when people have significant problems with numbers - but still have
a normal or above normal IQ. It seems that no dyscalculic has problems with math
alone, but also struggle with problems being able to learn to tell time,
left/right orientation, rules in games and much more. (See the list of symptoms).
Also, there are more than one type of dyscalculia, and all types demand specific
learning methods aimed at the specific problem.
Is Dyscalculia
Real?
Dyscalculics say it is. Teachers say it is. WHO and DSM say it is. See
the bottom of this page for the official listings of dyscalculia in the medical
world.
How Common Is Dyscalculia?
According to UK studies done by
Gross-Tsur, Manor and Shalev in 1996, 6.5% are dyscalculic. According to studies
done by Lewis, Hitch and Walker in 1994, 1.3% are dyscalculic while 2.3% are
dyscalculic AND dyslexic - that means that according to this study 3.6% of the
World's population are dyscalculic.
That gives a total of between 3.6 and
6.5% of the World's population. And again: That means, according to these two
studies, that between 216.000.000 (two hundred and sixteen million) and
390.000.000 (three hundred and ninety million) people are dyscalculic - if we
say that there are 600.000.000.000 (six billion) people in the world. No
international study has been done on how common it is.
What Is The
Male/Female Prevalence?
Although dyslexia seems to have a take on the male
population (30% female versus 70% male), when it comes to dyscalculia studies
show that the representation is equal - 50% female, 50% male.
Are There
Types Of Dyscalculia?
Yes. Just like dyslexia, there are many versions of
dyscalculia. Researchers have yet to come to a final decision, and they are not
working together, which means that at least over 50 types have been given a
name. We have guts here at the forum, so we have decided to stick with 4 types
that make sense according to the forum users. These names are from a study done
by Geary in 2004. You can read about the 4 types in the forums - there are
subforums for each type, where we try to figure out all we can about the
types.
Semantic retrieval dyscalculia
Procedural
dyscalculia
Visuospatial dyscalculia
Number fact
dyscalculia
Dys...Cal...Culia?
To pronounce it you say
"dis-cal-cew-lee-ah". When a person has dyscalculia, you say that they are
"dyscalculic" - "dis-cal-cew-leek".
The word dyscalculia comes from Greek
and Latin and means "counting badly". The word "dys" comes from Greek and means
"badly". "Calculie" comes from the Latin "calculare", which means "to count".
The word "calculare" again comes from "calculus", which means "pebble" or one of
the counters on an abacus. No one seems to know when the word "dyscalculia" to
life - the earliest we have come across is this advertisement in The New York
Times from May 1968. We do however know that researchers have used other words
for what they found to be some sort of disability in maths (which they already
found in the 1800s); arithmetic disability, arithmetic deficit, mathematical
disability and so on. The media has been using words like digit dyslexia, number
blindness and the obvious maths dyslexia.
Lots of variations of the word
exist - Dyscalculi, discalculi, discalculia and so on. This seems to be spelling
mistakes caused by general lack of knowledge about the disability, and the fact
that no government has officially named the disability "dyscalculia", but
instead goes by the WHO (specific disorder of arithmetical skills) and DSM
(mathematics disorder) terms. Dyslexia is not officially named dyslexia either.
In other words, dyslexia and dyscalculia are nicknames. It would be hard to say
"specific disorder of arithmetical skills" every time you would mention this
disability, wouldn't it?
"You Can Do It If You Want To!"
Probably
followed by "and if you try hard enough". This is a typical remark from teachers
and parents to motivate the student - and although it can be meant in the BEST
way possible, it is not true when it comes to dyscalculic students. The thing a
dyscalculic wants most in this world is to be able to understand those numbers.
Dyscalculics need different learning methods, in every aspect of the assignment.
Dyscalculics are able to learn how to calculate something one day, only to
discover that the information has been forgotten the next day. In other words
programs like Kumon, where repetition is a major part of the teaching methods
seem to have no result for dyscalculic students - they forget. Through different
learning methods aimed specifically at the student and his/her version of
dyscalculia can have great results.
What Is Acalculia?
Acalculia is
caused by serious brain damage. While it is possible to learn maths when you
have dyscalculia, it seems impossible when acalculia is the problem - there
simply is no understanding for numbers at all; not even the simple task of
counting to ten. Acalculia is listed in WHO ICD 10 under R48.8.
(corvid here, I am now starting to believe that I may have Acalculia).
The
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, otherwise known as DSM,
is the standard classification of mental disorders used by mental health
professionals in the United States and some countries in the Western world. It
is published by the American Psychiatric Association. This is the official
listing of dyscalculia in the DSM-IV;
Students with a mathematics
disorder have problems with their math skills. Their math skills are
significantly below normal considering the student’s age, intelligence, and
education.
As measured by a standardized test that is given individually,
the person's mathematical ability is substantially less than you would expect
considering age, intelligence and education. This deficiency materially impedes
academic achievement or daily living. If there is also a sensory defect, the
mathematics deficiency is worse than you would expect with it.
Associated
Features:
Conduct disorder
Attention deficit
disorder
Depression
Other Learning Disorders
Low Self-Esteem
Social
problems
Increased dropout rate at school
Here is a list of Symptoms,
also from The Dyscalculia Forum.
You could take off the title "List of
Symptoms," and just put my name at the top of the list, because every single one
of these applies to me. When I was tested I was found to have 3 of the 4 types
of Dyscalculia.
Normal or accelerated language acquisition: verbal,
reading, writing. Poetic ability. Good visual memory for the printed word. Good
in the areas of science (until a level requiring higher math skills is reached),
geometry (figures with logic not formulas), and creative arts.
Mistaken recollection of names. Poor name/face retrieval. Substitute
names beginning with same letter.
Difficulty with the abstract
concepts of time and direction. Inability to recall schedules, and sequences of
past or future events. Unable to keep track of time. May be chronically late.
Inconsistent results in addition, subtraction, multiplication and
division. Poor mental math ability. Poor with money and credit. Cannot do
financial planning or budgeting. Checkbooks not balanced. Short term, not long
term financial thinking. Fails to see big financial picture. May have fear of
money and cash transactions. May be unable to mentally figure change due back,
the amounts to pay for tips, taxes, etc.
When writing, reading and
recalling numbers, these common mistakes are made: number additions,
substitutions, transpositions, omissions, and reversals.
Inability to
grasp and remember math concepts, rules, formulas, sequence (order of
operations), and basic addition, subtraction, multiplication and division facts.
Poor long term memory (retention & retrieval) of concept mastery- may be
able to perform math operations one day, but draw a blank the next! May be able
to do book work but fails all tests and quizzes.
May be unable to
comprehend or "picture" mechanical processes. Lack "big picture/ whole picture"
thinking. Poor ability to "visualize or picture" the location of the numbers on
the face of a clock, the geographical locations of states, countries, oceans,
streets, etc.
Poor memory for the "layout" of things. Gets lost
or disoriented easily. May have a poor sense of direction, loose things often,
and seem absent minded. (Remember the absent minded professor?)
May
have difficulty grasping concepts of formal music education. Difficulty
sight-reading music, learning fingering to play an instrument, etc.
May have poor athletic coordination, difficulty keeping up with
rapidly changing physical directions like in aerobic, dance, and exercise
classes. Difficulty remembering dance step sequences, rules for playing sports.
Difficulty keeping score during games, or difficulty remembering how
to keep score in games, like bowling, etc. Often looses track of whose turn it
is during games, like cards and board games. Limited strategic planning ability
for games, like chess.
____
Yep.. I definitely suck at chess.
I hate that I can't help my kids with their
math. I hate that I struggle with things that come so easily to other people. I
hate that I can go from seeming like an intelligent person to seeming like an
idiot in about 10 seconds. It embarrassing and causes anxiety so severe that I
get physically ill.
I hate that no one NO ONE thought I had a problem. I hate
that no one tried to help me. I hate that my love of learning was destroyed when
I was a kid because of this. I hate that I could have achieved so much more if
someone would have just recognized that I had a problem instead of writing me
off as lazy.
If you are reading this and you know exactly what I am talking about, then get tested, help yourself. Once you know what it is, you can start to address it, you can understand, and start feeling better about yourself.
Happy Dyscalculia Day.
