We don't allow people to heal in our culture, and as a result, our society is filled with the walking wounded.
On the physical end of things, people have to work through illness, get on their feet, get back into the game as quickly as possible. It doesn't matter if they aren't completely recovered. I could have used some extra time to adjust to my new medication and recover from having surgery, but I couldn't afford it. Last year there was a woman at work who went through the same thing I did. I remember managers at work talking about her as if she were a slacker because when she came back she didn't function at 100%. Well no fucking duh, you morons. She had her thyroid taken out, had to take radioactive pills, then had to take a medication that makes you feel either like you are insane, if you have too much, or like you are going to die of exhaustion, if you have too little. It takes a while to adjust those levels. Not the mention having your calcium levels drop so you curl up like you are having a stroke, having pain in your throat from injured vocal chords... I could go on. I have seen people behind desks who have lost all their hair to chemo, and yet there they are, working. WHY? Because they can't afford not to. Because our society thinks if you need a break, you are lazy. If you need help, you are a freeloader. If you are sick, you are worthless and weak. If you are old, you are disposable.
It pisses me off, so much so that my grammar goes out the window along with my wit and sarcasm. I have had major illnesses twice, and twice I had to come back to work before I was ready and struggle to keep up my responsibilities and not drop the ball despite still being sick, because I couldn't afford not to.
We live in a society where a soldier can get blown up over and over again, and then come home and have to fight to have anyone believe they have a traumatic brain injury, and god forbid they suffer from PTSD.
We live in a society where people go bankrupt due to illness.
We live in a society where once you run out of money you are out of luck.
There are at least three people I see daily in the city where I live who have lost a limb and have to beg on the street corner. I am sure the guy who lost his leg at the hip and only has one crutch is just a lousy bum who should get a job.
But if you live in America, you better pray to whatever powers that be that if you have to get sick, it's physical, because if you have mental trauma, or worse yet, a mental illness, you are fucked.
Mental illness is in the news alot right now, the gun huggers are pointing their fingers in a diversion attempt to draw the conversation away from gun control. "Guns don't kill people, crazy people kill people." Well, actually, crazy people with guns kill people, but that is a different rant.
Mental illness has a tremendous stigma in this country. We should just understand it is a medical condition and treat it accordingly, but we don't. We have a "don't ask, don't tell policy" regarding mental illness in this country. I won't ask you if you need help, don't tell me about your problems. If you are mentally ill you are thrown in the "worthless, freeloading, shiftless bum" category, mainly because of Republican cuts to mental health care, housing and mental health programs during the Reagan administration. People like to pretend that there is not a homeless problem in the riches country in the world, but there is, and a large majority of those people are not freeloading bums, they are the mentally ill.
Even in our own family circles we don't allow healing. Just get up, dust off. Something happened to you that hurt? Just suck it up, don't be a sissy, get over it.
Why are we so averse to acknowledging someone else's pain? What has happened to our compassion? Our empathy?
My dad always says "you need to compartmentalize things, just put it in a compartment in your mind and leave it there." Well, what happens when you run out of compartments? Why should you have to hide your hurt? Especially if it is something major. He has tons of little compartments filled with Viet Nam War, and Divorce, and Death of Friends and Loved Ones, and innumerable other terrible things he has gone through in his life. There is no conversation, there is no sharing. I think never acknowledging your own pain is a terrible idea that can lead to some really bad things down the road.
Why can we never acknowledge when we need a little time to heal? Why don't we allow others to do the same? Why don't we open ourselves up to our friends and families to allow them a safe haven to rest. To share. To heal themselves? Why don't we care for one another on the most basic of levels? Health is more than just being able to get up out of bed every day and go to work. Contributing is more than just paying your bills and taxes. We are so removed from each other as human beings. We do not acknowledge our connection with each other. We are isolating ourselves more and more with every passing day and then we wonder why people snap, flip out, and do crazy crazy things.. because they lose their grip on reality.
The grip is communal people. The grip on reality comes from our social contract, from our compassion, our civility, our kindness, our sharing, our openess... our willingness to help our fellows and to allow them to heal and recover from injury, whether it is physical, mental, or spiritual. Our grip comes from lifting each other out of the muck, giving each other a hand up, helping the less fortunate, protecting the weakest among us, sheltering the vulnerable. God exists in the grip, you don't know that if you don't acknowledge it. It is love and care of your fellow human that keeps them in the realm of the sane. The more we lose sight of that, the more we will see inexplicable and horrific tragedy.
What I don't understand is why do we persist in this model when all the evidence shows it is detrimental? Why are we so resistant to change, even when we can see proof that a compassionate society that allows its citizens time to heal, paid sick leave, health care, maternity leave... a society that nurtures its citizens... is a civilized and successful society that leads to tremendous quality of life, lack of worry and fear, and satisfaction and happiness amongst its citizens. Why are we so resistant to caring for each other?
I am hoping that we are on the edge of change. We certainly cannot continue in the same vein. Things are usually the darkest before the dawn. I choose to believe that. I hope I am not wrong.
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