Hi, it’s me, Corvid. It has been a while, so I thought I would drop a line to see how you were doing. I have been hearing a lot of things on the news lately about your plans, and I know I am just an ignorant plebeian, but I wanted to speak up and give you some encouragement.
It seems that you are having some money troubles and you can’t agree on how to fix them. Boy, do I know the feeling. Some of you think that cutting all that wasteful spending to scientific research will do the trick. Who needs science? Especially when 95% of scientists agree on that pesky climate change issue, and keep bugging you about it. Don’t they realize we would have to change our entire way of living? Just to save the planet?! I mean really, our kids can take care of that, right? And space exploration? Yes, I know that most of the technologies, especially the medical ones, we use today were in some way developed through the space program, but hell, we don’t need NASA to keep us at the top of our game! Dick Cheney got his heart pump, and THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. Let’s just hitch a ride with the Russians... Maybe we can help them get to the moon because they were never able to make it there back in the 60’s when we did. Talk about international cooperation!
Some of you want to cut spending to those awful, socialist entitlement programs. I mean, what the hell was FDR thinking? New deal? Everyone knows Americans are dead lazy, and would rather live on the street and eat out of garbage cans than work a decent 9 to 5. Hell, I have been tempted myself. So what are you going to do about all these worthless freeloaders? And don’t even get me started on the old people. They should work, whats with this retirement crap?! Look, unemployment is at a record 9.5 percent and if you don't do something fast, all these freeloaders are going to drain the country dry scrounging for their handouts. CUT THEM OFF. End it all. Unemployment, food stamps... hell, if we cut off medicaid that should shave a pretty good chunk off the population. Just give the hospitals the right to refuse. The clean up might be a little on heavy side at first, but once all those freeloaders die off, we will all be better off. Survival of the fittest, right? Population and economic control all in one fell swoop. Way to go Congress! Are ya feelin’ me?
Deregulation of financial institutions is a great idea. They have our best interests at heart and would never take advantage. Right? And taxes for the rich? Haven’t those billionaires suffered enough??? COME ON! I don’t think they should have to pay any taxes at all. Hell, we should be grateful to them for... something... I’ll think of it in a minute. I got it, lets pass a new law. We will just pay THEM 25% of our income. Those poor rich guys need a break!
Let’s talk about schools. Teachers are lazy. So are the kids, for that matter. Like Michelle Bachman said, what kids need are jobs. PUT THOSE LITTLE FUCKERS TO WORK! They aren’t learning anything anyway, and who needs to know all that liberal, revisionist history stuff anyway? Throw the bums out. We would be saving a big chunk of change.
and lastly, 3 Trillion dollars on war is not enough. It gratifies me to know that you are cutting Nasa’s budget to the quick because providing air conditioning to the troops in Iraq costs more than the space program’s yearly budget, and by God we need those funds to keep our boys cool! This is the war on TERROR! We are making Iraq free, and hell, we can’t quit now. And as for Afghanistan... we will show those damned Russians that we can succeed where they failed. Just keep pluggin’ away, I say. It’s worth every red cent, and the 4474 American lives lost in Iraq, and the 1,769 lost in Afghanistan... but hell, that’s okay cause we showed them! We killed 1,455,590 of those ragheads, we got them 325 to one! HOO DOGGIES! THAT MAKES ME PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN!!
So keep up the good work Gentlemen! You are good patriots and will do this country proud.
Love and kisses,
Corvid
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