So many words, so little time...

Okay, I couldn't stay away for too long. The little birds keep coming back and flapping around with infuriating insistence. Life has been challenging, however, so I am sure I will be posting about that, and hopefully it won't become tedious. Life has Sasha firm in its grips, and he has been finding it hard to make his way here to write, but I am hoping he will surprise us with an acerbic gem or two in the near future.                                                                                                      I found the little picture at the left and thought... "Yes, that is about where I am at." The roof is torn off, the heart is torn out, the head is broken, and everything is a shambles, yet the little birds are still there, cheeping, and scratching, and pecking, and so I pick up the pen and write something down. My life is exploding around me, yet I can still find time to feel deep curiosity about the rituals of Yom Kippur, and what Sasha did on that day... and to write him a long email about said curiosity and what I thought about it.

Seriously, I think my priorities are screwed up. Even in the shit, I am writing.

Now, I am not saying that I am a great writer. I am just saying that I am a prolific one, and I can't help it. It's not that I like to write. I NEED to write. Just like I need to analyse. And, of course, that leads to analysis of why I need to write. I wake up in the middle of the night with this crap going on in my head and have to reach for a pen and paper. It's sick.

I noticed, that while going through all this difficulty, I had two people I spoke to about it. Both of them online. It caused me to question my rationale. Why? Is it because I have no freinds, no "real" person I can turn to for support? Is it because I don't want to face the reality of what is going on so I turn to the virtual? Is it because it is so terrible that I want to keep it hidden from people I would deal with on a day to day basis? No, I think it is because talking to these two friends takes place in written form, so I can express what is going on, and work through what is going on, in the medium I am most comfortable with. That, and Sasha, who is one of those friends, is the most no bullshit person I have ever met and I deeply value his perspective. Maybe one day I can write openly about what is going on with me... but it's not something I want to share here. It's for another blog, one I don't like going to very much. One I am not ready to share. 

I have so many words, so many ideas... and so very little time.