True Grit

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Things don't get done unless you do them. Magic does not happen, and by this knowledge we can thereby deduce that things will not magically generate themselves into being. Events will not magically occur. Change will not magically be made. It, whatever "it" is, takes work. Effort. Exertion. Sweat. Muscle. Grit.

Grit.


I listened to a report on NPR the other day discussing a book by Paul Tough called How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character. In the report the author relates that children's success cannot be measured by the standard means we currently use (IQ scores, standardized testing, etc.) but rather, success is measured, and achieved, through determination and character.

This is the second report of this type that NPR has done in a month. NPR are you trying to tell us something?

The crazy thing is, grit - character (whatever you want to call it), seems to be a direct result of adversity. We shield our children from adversity at all costs... is this wise? As a parent I can't help but constantly obsess about what I could have done, or should not have done, to help my children be more prepared to cope in the world. As my wise uncle once told me, "it doesn't matter what you do, you will fuck it up. You will fuck it all up, and they will be okay." I hope he is right. My cousins seem relatively alright, so maybe he knows what he is talking about.

But that still doesn't answer the question of how you build character in your children. Which then begs the question "am I, myself, a person with character....? Do I have grit?"

I would like to think so. I have people tell me all the time that I have overcome adversity and achieved things. But... shouldn't you FEEL as if you have overcome adversity and achieved things?

Personally, I don't feel that way.

I seem to move through life  more with a constant feeling of WTF!? How did I get here? What just happened? Wait, Where am I?

Is my grit confused? Am I lacking in character, and I just managed to get here from there by accident, or some strange universal coincidence?

Or is it that I labored under expectations for so long that now that nothing is expected of me I feel a general sense of disorientation. Is THAT what the whole midlife crisis thing is all about? Less a sense of growing older, and more a lack of those heavy expectations from parents, teachers, and other 'adults?' Now WE are the adults and all there is left for us to do is to aim the laser of expectation on the younger generation and drive them down the road until we die and are no longer here to expect any more from them? And the cycle goes on and on and on...

Is this the secret of success in raising children, high and inescapable expectations placed upon them, forcing them to climb higher and higher... until there is nothing left but to grasp the branch and dangle there. Driving others on higher than yourself? Is this how we measure "success?"

Is the secret of overcoming midlife crisis finding that drive of expectation again in yourself? Self expectation is so difficult, it is the easiest to hide from, the least driving. It's not as big a deal to dissapoint yourself.

Is the actual source of grit, TRUE grit if you will, internally or externally generated? That "stick-to-it-ness" so necessary to achieve anything, and critical to self actualization. Is the crisis of midlife that we were on the verge of that actualization, and the expectations dropped off, and now we do not feel anything driving us forward. Thus, instead of continuing, we flounder in a sense of loss, confusion, and uncertainty.

I haven't made a million dollars. I don't own a house. I do have an education, but I am not using it in the way I had initially planned. I have had cancer, and my luck held and it wasn't too serious. My family has survived. My kids are almost grown and ready to go out on their own. I hope I have equipped them well, better than I was equipped myself. I don't know what I want to do, but I do know I am not doing it.

Now what?

Now I am hoping that my character will win out. That I will discover that I do have grit. That I will be able to finally, after all this time, actualize myself.

Here's to True Grit, whatever that maybe be.